you are here right now, forget the rest

there is no matter outside the unfolded moments of now, this is real and you are here. Thought of what has come before or what will be are a distraction, an illusion. As I rode my bike down now the bike path out towards Fern Ridge, I did my best to remind myself that, I would find that my inner monolouge wanted to jump to thoughts of a girl who's name I don't know, or some self accusatory thought, on the tears of a dream unrealized in the waking world. You are here right now, this is real, and all else is nothing, was my mantra as I rode down the winding path, over the cracks in the gravel. Thoughts of how do I fix this thing, this life, was Nietzsche right when his madman declared "God is dead" and has realization of this plunged the world into nihilism. Again I had to remind myself, that I was right there riding my bike, and the sky was with is one strip of fractured cloud was highlighted by the last light of the setting sun. Was Morrissey correct when he said "The woman of my dreams, She, She never came along, The woman of my dreams, Well, There never was one". I am here right now, and I'm looking for something, but there is only this moment. The first poem I ever wrote was entitled Unconsciousness. That's not really what the poems was about, it was actually just me putting my inner monologe on paper, the little bits of it I could get down. And that's what I did for a while, just let all my doubts, and accussion, questions, find there way onto paper, at least as much of it as I could get down. I need a recording device. I am here now and maybe all I have is the rambling thought it my head. There where signs that read the underpass may be slippery or flooded, they where not. My ex says I made her feel intellectually inferior, I never meant to do that, she's one of the more intelligent people I know. I just happend to be interested in things most people seem to have no interest in, always have been, I as questions of the world, want to understand something of it. Time......chaos, void, mother, goddess, sun, moon, >.<, 0, dreams, and daggers, death,corax, and scraficial offerings,for science.....just right now breathing.....if right now cause or effect, okay this could get very existensial if i let it so I will stop for now.

Trout's Creedo

"You were sick, but now you're well, and there is work to do." Just finished Vonnegut's Timequake. I really enjoyed it, made me laugh quite a bit, and even tear up at stops. Vonnegut says that having an extended family is extremely important, and certianly he view humor as something to be valued as well. It's amusing to read the writing of an author talking to and about his alter-ego, who has definatley taken on a life of his own. Who could deny the wisdom of Kilgore Trout, a war veteran who has spent much of his life on the streets, writing science fiction short stories that he usually throws in the trash. Trout see and understands the timequake for what is it, a replay, and when free will kicks in again. He had an idea as to what needs to be done. The world is shaken with Post Timequake Apathy, but it's over, 'you where sick, but now your well, and there is work to be done.' Well I should get back to work.

9/9/04

beat ticka ticka dai dai... Gotta appreciate when you stubble accross a really good music, the kinda that make you move in several directions all at once. Very little beats that in my opinion. If life is something that should not have been and humans are wraught with the urge to destroy themselves and other in the process, as suggested by Shopenhauer and Vonnegut for example. Then music is the best reason I can think to keep going, despite ourselves we have and will continue to make beautiful music. Reading Kurt Vonnegut's Timequake currently, if you haven't ready anything by this guy, well you should, damned amusing. As mentioned earlier he talk a decent amount about the sucidal nature of the human race. There are Vonnegut's favorite quote's as he states them in the book, "How the hell did I do that?", "Who is it they say I am?", and "We are here to help each other get through this thing, whatever it is."