War and Peace

let the anger be the force behind the bow string, but aim the bow

There seem to be two primary forces working inside of me, one that is seeking peace, and the other that is enraged with an endless anger. I sat one day and looks to my heart was shocked to realized that it was consumes with anger, like a flame that surrounded it. This anger at a world that was not as it should be that I had isolated myself from and shunned for it's ignorance, it's obsession with the trivial, it's lack of motivation or concern about the inequities that seem so clear, of the obviousness that there is a stream of useless memetic data that is being spoonfed to the masses. But my rage is my own, and how can I cry ignorance at the world, point fingers and pray for their slow demise, without looking inward to myself, and my own ignorances.

It was on a walk the other day, after a fight with someone whom I have admittadly wronged, and who has wronged me in kind. The realization was that I don't want to fight, well at least not that useless, over and over again, questioning things that can't be undone sorta fight. And the conclusion that I have came to many times with this friend is simply, do you want peace, or do you want conflict? What use is there in the conflict of what might have been?

On orgins, in a social context, what is the orgin of conflict, particulary in the context of conflicts of ideas....war no longer serves the purpose of ensuring one tribes traditional culture code, and wipe out an opposing culture code that would currupt one set of cultural programing. Why war?

Perhaps, on a personal level, it is a fixation on a set perception and an unwillingness to see beyond this perception that causes much of the inner struggle with the outer world. The root of anger being ignorance, or the inability to see things as they are, while insistant upon seeing things as they 'should be'. Now we all much live somewhere in the middle of how things should be and how things are. Life is beautifully ugly at times, and to strive for peace seems to be to struggle with that fact, and the acceptance that beyond the gross nature of this existance, there is something that resonates within us all and keeps this light show going.

What soul got to do with it?

So here is one of those philosophical questions, that has been ponder and will be ponder until there is noone left to ponder it, and since there are plenty of folks out there who really don't have time to waste on such pondering, it's up to daydreaming poets and philosophers to do so. Not that I'm the time of guy to sit around and fret about questions with no answer, or stress myself over forces of which I have no control, but I have giving the idea, the concept, of the 'soul' some ponderance. I remember back in high school, trading souls was all the rage, written pieced of paper stating I give up my soul in trade for a pencil, lunch money... whatever... What else is high school for. So one of the early questions for me was, do animals, plant have souls, well good question, lesser forms, lesser developed perhaps. Growing up raised in a christian church, I found that I was personally more interested in matters of a spiritual nature, and found myself quite frustrated by the answers I was given. I don't really remember much discussion regarding the human soul, more of the don't sin, or your going to hell...I do remember one preacher saying that he had never sinned, and that it was easy to live I life free of sin...Well my definition sin had changed since those days of my youth. A definition I recently came across that apparently goes back to a Greek word, is: to miss the mark. Which seems to make a lot more sense then whatever type of 'sin' they tried to teach us to avoid every Sunday. They probably were not referring to the Sumerian moon goddess, would be my guess.... Well back to the questions at hand...Soul, good god, hit me, what is soul, well James Brown that man's got soul, which gets to another idea or concept regarding soul, which is what moves the human soul is good music, music that cuts to the core of your being, music that moves you to dance...anyone who has seen me moved to dance might laugh, but I truly love it. So one of the theories regarding soul from my teenage days of wandering and manic poetry, was that of the allsoul, which is simply that, all is manifestation of the essence of original material which is the soul of the divine....Now found it quite interesting to learn later that this what basically what you will find in eastern philosophy...little did I know at the time. So what is soul, well that's a Stereo Mc's song, you know they sing, Connected, you've heard it, in all likelihood. I remember reading Ogre, Ogre by Piers Anthony, the story was about an Ogre who only had half a soul, who I guess what smart average over...It's been a while since I've read it, I was probably about 14 or so...and not really interested in Ogre girls, and likely he goes to see good magician Humphrey...if you've ever read any Xanth, most everyone goes to his castle for 3 trials, and then they get a question answered, which usually leads to being sent on a quest....Well If I remember right the Ogre is asking why he has half a soul, ends up meeting a nymph who has half a soul as well, the go into a gourd which leading the some sorta underworld, the place where those nightmares hangout when they are not delivering disturbing dreams....well long story short, do the math, ogre 1/2 soul + nymph 1/2 soul = one soul, all good there. That's a fairly classical interpretation as well, one soul became split in two, and is later unified. Ka, Ki, Me, oh my, what is my soul, would happen when I die? Silly questions. Well I have other theories, ideas, about what is up with this soul business, and reading what others have had to say about it can be interesting, but for now, time to get back to work.

ramblings

Alright, it's been a while since I've posted much of anything. Haven't really been keeping up with posting dreams, there seems to be little more then fragments. Some of them interesting, had one the other night where ButterRum, my cat, was out introducing me to people....and last night there where bits around moving my bookself, and letting someone borrow my copy of Tao of Pooh.....decided to reread the book, it's definately a favorite. Well, life has been life. Good company and conversation, financial struggles, good music, books to read, movies to see, the usual I guess, hard to just say 'the usual' because I'm not sure if any of this is or will be typical of my life. There are frustrations and joy, things forgotten and things remembered. Still find that one of the things I appreciate good company and good conversation...which can be found often when not expected. There is certianly a struggle to articulate some of the ideas that rattle in by brain, many of them revolving around themes that are personal, cultural, social, perhaps even spiritual. I appreciate when I have a conversation where someone changes my mind, when ideas that seemed so abstract but familiar are presented back to me. I also appreciate friends that will allow me to ramble about something I've been thinking about, often time the ideas aren't fully formed until I speak them. And perhaps I struggle with ideas and ideals that lack much practical value or application in every day life. Trying to stay the line of self involved, which I am, and self indulgent. And what of the future, I work, read, listen to music, interact and try to stay engaged in my own life, all in the hope that at some point it will click, I won't feel so much like it's a struggle, not that it won't be and there is certianly more to be done that will be work. So, recently I've been giving a few recommendations, suggestions, that I should make an attempt at theatre, audition for a play, that might be fun. I have a few goals for this fall and winter, basicly to get a budget, sell/get rid of excess stuff, get a few books finished, and take a class something physical would be good, perhaps a martial art.