2006

Well here we go, another year has begun according to the standerd calendar. I tend to think of the year actually begining in spring, and everything in between is just building up the momentun for the new year. Well, I've got my taxes completed, not yet file, but the forms are done, and finished my 2006-2007 FAFSA, this is the first year in quite some time where I'm just been on it, didn't really think about it, it's just done, now I have to figure out how to pay back LCC the $400 I owe them from last summer and then the intention is to start back in fall. The theme for this year for me will be release, simplification, getting rid of or letting go of excess clutter. Most of you may have noticed, I got rid of a lot of weight of the top of my head, good start if you ask me. So from here I'm waiting for a tax return, so I can get new glasses, going to get rid of a bunch of old books and clothes, and start sorting through the random stuff I have in closets, like computer parts and random electronics, if anyone wants a 800 meg hard drive, I'm probably got a sitting around. Its felt for quite some time that a lot of my struggle with self motivation has been organization, and a lot of good advice I've recieved has been minimalize...so that's the goal for 2006, get rid of stuff that does not all to my life, and replace with stuff that is more efficient, or amiable to my goals. Another month will bring me to the 2 year mark of the end of my last long term relationship, the death of my grandmother and my 27th birthday, all 3 of these things happened within a matter of 2 days, or at least the fulcrum of those events was centered around a mere 48 hours. Relationships don't just end overnight, and my grandmother was in the hospital for a few weeks before she went in for the surgery from which she did not come out. These events and others that where already in motion, led me to a lot of self questioning, and grasping at some understanding of who I was where I was going and what I wanted out of life, can't say I have any answers just yet but I certianly feel that the only place to go from here is forward, that you can't get so caught up in your exceptations of how things should be in fact you are better off to let go of them and let it be. There have been lows and there have been highs, moments that I will never forget. The truth of it is that you just have to live it the best you can, because you can't be prepared for the twists and turns you meet along the way. I just try to live by the rules that I'm making up as I go, being kind to my neighbor, keeping in mind those that have been kind to me, and letting go of those patterns of behaviour that leave me unsatisfied.