Timeline of self

Okay I would like to ask the assistance of everyone on an upcoming project, many of you may have heard me use the term 'retrodentification' or understand that I sometime struggle with laspes of memory regarding details of personal history, now I do think that we are all connected to something beyond, personal or even cultural history, and there are threads of interlation that can be followed back to earlier points of origin. So what I would like to do is develop a timeline, find a place where my personal history and the one observed by others meets up. It appears at times that when I examine my concept of self, it seems that there are to many angles for an individual to observe, for the longest time I belived I knew what I was not, and a seething resentment of all of these things was sufficient, I knew what I was not, I was not one of them.

Well I've found there to be a certian falacy in that thought, that was a projection of my own ignorances and fears, I've lived so long with my headphones on, shutting out the outside world, conversation, not wanting to make a mistake or not be taken seriously. I've been caught with the feeling of being trapped inbetween two worlds, one uniquely my own which is to me even at times both fantastic and terrifying, and then the one that is shared, and now I find that I do have to walk between the two, that one does affect the other, and there is something to be learned. The twin fold ego trap of fear and desire, beyond which there is something that is not seperate, the truth, that what I think, or what I think I know, but just to experience life and not exclude myself from that. And my concept of self is such that it is beyond just my own perception, there is something of me that me will never see, and has to be experience in that outer world the one I share with others and throught shared experience.

So the persuit is knowledge of ones self, both within the realm of a personal perception, and from the one of outside, shared experiences, and maybe just being able to better transition between the two, to avoid projecting my ideals on the outerworld, and to be able to share more of my inner world, so I just keep digging, peeling away at the layers, and this is something that althought the brunt of the work is done alone, I am constantly finding aide, and the more I open my ears and eyes to the world, the more I realized that in the words of the mantra Doma shared with me 'there is love all around' , that kinda beautiful-ugly sorta thing, and that to really life there are times that you just have to let go of anything you could think or begin to know of life and walk outside of your own definitions of what is real...

now back to the 'purpose' of this post, which is simply I would like to fill in some of those gaps of my personal history, at least just for the purpose of dissolving their hold on my idea of self, but also perhaps gain an awareness of self on a cyclic nature, personal cycles......so if there is anyone out there who can help me with putting some of these memories that I've been exploring in order, perhaps dates would help, so for all those I've lived with, and have been a part of my life and can give me some objective data, help me answer questions like, what summer was it that I lived with Michelle, or when was it that I went to live in Myrtle Creek, please email me at dimensionsofperception@hotmail.com. TY