We are all just playing parts in a story, are some of these role inevitable, can any of it be foretold, if you could know the future, would you want to, is any of this misery and heartache of life unavoidable, Who is the Queen of wAnds, how can we be certain of the role we play in anyone's life?
speculation:
Could she be one of the lovely daughters of Themis, or mayhap of Mnemosyne.
current events:
I recently finished reading an amazing short story by Orson Scott Card, entitled The Changed Man and the King of Words, this was from a collection of 4 volumes of short stories, entitled Maps in the Mirror. Volume one, where this story can be found, is The Hanged Man, tales of dread. There is another story in this collection about a man who blows his head off, and this continues to write a letter explaining how he had decided upon such action as a means to end the cold war between and lack of passion in his relationship. What can you say to that, there are a lot of more interestingly self destructive actions, I'm sure I would take first before blowing my brains out personally, then again, I've been there and really if it's not working for you find what does, haven't watched my parent in an abusive relationship, I've come to believe that if it isn't working move on. Not that I'm one to give relationship advice at this point.......Okay, punctual, really....The Change Man and the King of Words....Story is about a couple who finds out that the wife is pregnant, but was advised by her doctor that she would not come to term and should abort the child, else he would be underdeveloped and have several health and mental defects....Well, being a very stubborn woman she refuses....Child is born....Not only is he healthy both mentally and physically, but he's a genius, learning to read and crawl well beyond average (bear in mind same guy who wrote Ender's Game, child genius is a recurring theme with Card). This child develops a love for stories, whenever there was a book in the house he would insist upon his parents reading it to him, not only that, but he wanted to act out the stories, and his parents would became his cast, and he would direct and act is these story plays. After years of his father had enough, a man of science, a king of words, he refused to act is his sons play, and focus his time on work, manipulating DNA, he was a biochemist. The son and his mother continued the plays and as he grew older he absorbed a vast array of stories. The father thought the acting had stopped, but it continued with a game where they would throw in quote or refeances to the stories in their daily conversation. The boy and the father grew apart, the father as a gesture, bought the boy this Tarot deck he was looking at while they where shopping one day. And the boy became obsessed with making a computer program that would aid him in reading the cards, he redesigned many of the cards, realizing that the faces on the card where the faces from all the stories he knew so well, from characters of Shakespear plays to those of Greek mythology. Well that's as much of Card's story that I am going to tell, if your curious, you should read it.
So after reading this story, I was reminded that I have a tarot deck, and some understanding of the interpretation of the cards, I still consult the book it came with, and other books that I have for definitions of cards, and I find that the meanings are vague and give a lot of room, well, to make it up, to make a story out of the way the card some together in front of you. I've come to see the cards as a way to look at your story of where you are in life, a method of reflection. Since I finished that reading Card's Changed Man, layout down 3 Celtic cross spreads for myself, and had a friend lay down a similar spread, and this morning I did a past present future spread. The cards have told me many things, past pains, control, strength, love, insecurity, and a willingness to heal. A lot of what I got out of the cards I need to center to find the still place within myself and let go.
Now with all that, the one things that has been consistent is all 5 reading, is one card, the Queen of Wands, well she wasn't in the past present or future position of the spread I did this morning, but when I decided to pull another card, there she was smiling back at me.
Queen of Wands: Attractive Wholehearted Energetic Cheerful and self-assured
another description: she is a lovely country woman who is gracious and kind.
'In readings, the Queen of Wands asks you to think and feel as she does. For example: Do you feel attractive? Do you believe in yourself? Are you full of energy? Can you shake off the blues? Are you gung ho about life?'
Good question, am I, somewhere along the way I lost faith, faith in myself, what was at my core, who I was, and what I am capable of, and so I gave in to a preset condition of enduring, I'm good at enduring, I'm really good at enduring, going along with it, not rocking the boat, until I realize it doesn't work. I've felt the need to pretend most of to be something other most of my life. This post right here would assure my spot in Hades according to the belief of my grandparents. Being devote bible christians of the cult of judgemental christianity, the world is full of sinners, we feel better knowing we are loved by god, we will be saved. My parents are still very christian as well, and I try not to push the issue with my mother too much, and maybe oneday when I do have a conversation with my father prehaps I'll bring it up. Guess what Dad, your hypocritical practice of Christianity made me curious enough to explore other belief systems, some of it a bit of that new-age occult philosophy, much of it I find laughable now....many belief systems become quite laughable with enough perspective. Piers Anthony's Tarot trilogy stick out in my mind, a fictional story that follows through the suits of the major arcana, and proposes that tarot is the origin of playing card and was used to teach spiritual truths and hid their teaching from the Catholic Church which wanted to maintain dominance through keeping the population ignorant. Tarot and astrology where a part of that teenage rebellion against the belief system that was imposed on me, and has had an impact of me forming my own beliefs, something I'm still exploring. I'd had the fortune of being introduced to Joseph Campbell and comparative religion, myth, and also being intoduced to Taoism which is to be beautifully poetic.
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