change of local circa 95ish

what brought be here, you may ask. And by here I don't just mean this moment in time, this point in my life, althought I have been considering that a lot lately, it's possible a clue to that mystery will be presented here, but what I am refering to is this place, Oregon, about a decade ago. It seems like ages, and starting how different and yet the same I am, everything is. The simple answer is a 3 days on a greyhound bus, 2 packs of cigarette, a couple of carry on bags, I believe 3 other bags of luggage traveled with me on this trip. It seems that my father chose the worst time to send me away. It was the week of the high school prom, and althought I had already dropped out of school, I was planning on going with Dirni, my girlfriend at the time, and a group of our friends. There was also a KMFDM show the following weekend that I was hoping to go see, but he had bought the ticket and I had no choice that I could see at the time. I had a good group of friends, many of them where involved in the writing guild and enviromental clubs I was in while attending school, most all of them when by handles, codenames, there was Autumn Silver, Silence, the twins (thing 1 and thing 2 as they where commonly refered, Steven and Karen, Dirni of course. Most of us where writers, poets, readers of Anne Rice, scifi and fantasy. I was refered to by a number of handles myself Bloodlust, Tizoc, Stylor, I would have to say this is before the days of Chaosguarian. Many where used on dialup BBS's that we used to communicate and play games, I was a forum op on one, called Centrifugal Meltdown, if I remember correctly. I was also associating with other dropouts, musicians, and well that not relevent to the story at had but lets just say my future here could led down a path I would not like to contempate. I think my father came to the final decision for sending me when me away after learning that I supported my mother leaving him when she did. Having been witness to the beatings she took and been a brunt of my father's violence for a number of years, of course I supported her. I can't say I was doing much to further my life at the time, I wasn't working I was mostly sneaking out and going to parties and spending time with my friends. My mother had been kicked out of the church, which I had stopped going to myself, another reason my father didn't want me around. His hiporcisy, thier hiporcisy only furthered my contempt. Somehow it was her fault, she was an adulteress, despite the fact that she did not start seeing anyone until after she left my father, because they where still married. At this time I had began to study Tarot and Astrology, and had read up a bit about the Wiccan, and other pagan religions, as an alternative, and also started reading existensial philosophy, such as Sarte. I remember there are things I had to leave behind, I did not take my copy of the complete hitchhikers guide, or a Doctor Who graphic novel. There was a few other miscellanous artifacts I remember leaving, such as my breifcase that was spraypainted in tiedie. I remember trying to spend as much of those last days, after I found out I was leaving with Dirgni, she was a very sweet girl, an amazing artist with a soft voice and soft demeanor. To take with me she made me a couple tapes, One with a copy of The Lemonheads, Come on feel, and Mazzy Star, don't remember the name but it's the album with 5 string seranade, and a mix tape with some Simon and Garfunkel, and Don Mclean, more then likely I still have both of these tapes. Dirgni would and I would spend hours on the phone and I remember that on a number of occassions she would read me Grim's fairy tales until I fell asleep. I often spent hours talking on the phone, from which I was perpetually grounded, it was a way to stay in contact since it seem nearly impossible to get out of the house, until I learned how to sneak out of the second story bathroom window.

The trip itself was long, I remember not being able to sleep for the first day, leaving Texas. I remember the night sky in Arizona, one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. Passing through Hollywood at 2am. The LA terminal, ugh. Many layovers, stops and McDonalds. A lot of listening to my headphones, some writing, playing cards. I believe at one point I did engage in conversation with a fellow traveler who was going to San Diego. I remember the transition of scenery from California to Oregon. And seeing all of those trees, the hills, the beauty of it. I arrived at my destination in Cottage Grove, Oregon, early in the morning if I remember correctly. My grandparents, mother's parents where waiting to pick me up. I was going to live of their farm, 40 acres out in Saginaw, on the top of a hill where they had lived most of their lives, I had lived there before as a child with my mother while my father was in Nebraska looking for work.

This would be the start of a whole new life, a long period of solitude, long walks in the woods, with Chelsea a half greyhound half lab mix as my only companion. I took to writing and reading through my roleplaying books, one of the hobbies to pass the time was making RIFTs characters, a very drawn out process would could take hours, since many of the skills gave attribute modifications. At first, for several months I recieved lengthy letters from Dirgni, she even sent some artwork, some I still have. I was to spend my day, woken up at 6am every morning assisting my grandfather with farm chores, a lot of this involved loading and unloading wood for the wood stove, and finding shorts in the electric fence, chasing down cows when the got loose, and helping with various tasks in the garden. Gardening was my grandfather's passion, and his garden was extensive. I spend a year only going to town once a week when they went in for groceries. I loved the oregon weather, I was fond of the rain, always had been, it seemed so cleansing. After a year I decided with the help of my Uncle John to enroll in high school, this was my chance to get out to meet people. My grandparents where also very conservative Christians, and it was not optional that I attend sunday services, I remember faking ill on a number of occassion to avoid being there, and when I was there if not napping I would engage myself in writing satire such as the 10 commandments of Kermit. When I was able to say home I would surf the sattelite tv and often settle on a Columbo movie, which I really enjoyed. I eventually did make friends with Josh, a younger kid who lived down the hill, we would wander the woods, I introduced him to Dnd and the Magic the card game, I clearly remember the time my grandparents found my cards and tried to burn them convinced of their satanic influence. I at one point tried jacking into their phone box and running 75 foot of phone cord to the computer I bought from John's dad so that I could attempt to dial onto a bbs. Can't help but miss the good old day of pre internet computing, with classic Door games such as TW2010.

Well there are many things I could say about the time I spent there, it some ways I find now that I miss the issolation of being surrounded by forest. I learned a lot while I was there, I learned a work ethic form my grandfather, who was always at a task, something to contrast my father who obviously hated his job, and well I can only imagine his life. I am glad that is where I ended up as difficult as it was, life I mentioned early I don't know where else I could have gone if I had stayed in Houston. And well the smell of cow is something you can get used to but they are truely one of the dumbest creatures I've ever seen. Since the passing of my grandparents this past year I have thought much about that place, and what it meant to me. I hope to revisit their property sometime in the near future and hope to have something more to say about it.