six underground

Something simple I grasp for, never wanted more, never thought I should
can't take back, can't be undone, is it best to forget and just go on. Woke up angry and tired frightened and alone, all lies, and you can't cure me of any of them. Banging my head against a brick wall, It's so easy to just be so wrong. I can't do this to myself. Why won't everyone just go way. I don't need a fan club, an audience for my destruction. I dreams the night before last of a lover and friend, who while haunting my dreams has now words for me in daylight. In the dream she came to warn me of another of her of absense and void, loss....I think I know what she meant. I must choose a mistake, for myself, what will you choose? This is not my world, this is my life, and the choice to suffer for it is own. Back to that word, resolute, I guess it also means a willingness to stick by a decision, even knowing it might hurt. Forward is the only way from here, straight through to something different, this is not the time for statis, this is the time for growth, so where will we go from here...every day it feels like something left behind...but the road is long...I seem to keep coming back to this one simple thing, beyond all of the frustations of the day, like a grain of sand, or a tear welling up in the corner of my eye...something that is as vast and infinite as a single moment, and a slap in the face for trying to reach beyond that. I want to appologize but maybe that would serve no purpose, I want to undue the hurts and unravel the mechanism...all these words are just that...so I am fin.